You guys.
Ask me how many times I've tried to finish this post.
Now ask me how many other posts are rolling around in my head.
I seriously made a list of blog posts that I needed to write. And right now that list is longer than my summer bucket list...so gotcha.
So pardon me for just being off the blogging grid for the past 2 months. Life. Life is real.
But here is my humble (or not so humble) attempt to fill you in on some important details. Like you know, my future.
So I believe last time I talked about my future I was in a state of complete confusion. Well let me tell you, it only got worse. A few weeks later, I got the feeling (again) that I needed to reconsider going on a mission. ((This whole mission story is going to be reserved for another post, I will just be glossing over it now.)) I started thinking about it and for a whole week it was the only thing on my mind. Deciding whether or not to go was all I could think about and honestly, it was weighing me down. I finally decided to go and see my bishop to see what it would even take to start my papers. After the interview, I started my papers and was about 80% sure that I was going on a mission. After a week of running around to what felt like a million doctors appointments, I sort of had an epiphany. While I desire to have these experiences that my friends were having and to do everything that came with a mission, my ultimate desire to just go was not all there. It wasn't a fear that I couldn't do it or that it would be too hard, it was just the wrong timing. ((Again, more detailed post about the mish coming soon.))
So on the long drive from Orem to Logan, I had a little heart to heart with myself. I thought, "What is it that I desire? What do I really WANT to do?" Obviously the answer to that question is beauty school. It's always been my dream. The thought came that I wouldn't regret not becoming a teacher, but I would always wonder what would have happened if I went to beauty school.
From that point on, I was all beauty school. I told my roommates I wasn't coming back, my employer, I didn't sign up for housing, the only thing left to do was to tell my choir director.
One day in choir, we had to put either a "Yes" or a "No" next to our names to indicate whether or not we would be returning in the fall. When the paper came to me, I just couldn't write "No." The thought, "What if I needed you to stay?" popped into my head. My solution? Put a question mark next to my name and move along.
About a week later, my director called me into his office and said that they were in the midst of choosing the presidency for choir next year and that my name had come up. He knew of my decision to not come back to Logan, but asked if I would reconsider, should the call come. At first I was completely thrown off. Tears were shed - I had a plan! But I knew that if the call would come, it would be from God and I simply couldn't argue with that. In addition to that, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense in my head. Staying in Logan for another year seemed so perfect. More than anything, it FELT right. So I told my director that I would stay if the call came.
3 weeks passed.
Every time the phone rang, my heart skipped a beat. But I heard nothing. Nothing was announced in choir and no call had been extended. Those 3 weeks were extremely hard. I was fine if the call wasn't extended - that was not a huge issue. But I was so confused because I felt like I had finally found what was going to be right, and it still wasn't working out. So many tears were shed and so many nights were sleepless with worry.
And then one day it all fell into place. I finally went in and talked to my director because I needed to know if I should sign up for classes. He told me that a call would be coming. That night I signed up for classes, told my roommates that I was actually staying, and felt better than ever in my life.
Soon enough the call was extended and everything was set in stone for me to go back to USU next fall.
I feel so much peace about my decision. I kid you not - for 3 months I was in constant anxiety because I didn't know what to do with my life. But every day of that was so worth it because I know that I'm doing exactly what I need to be.
So yes, next year I will be a returning student at Utah State. Currently signed up to finish my Associate Degree, but also looking into Theater Education and Human Development. We're putting the ELED on hold for a season. I will be serving as a Vice President over the Latter-Day Voice Choir. I am excited and nervous and intimidated and freaking out all at once.
So I think that sufficiently catches you up on my future. I stayed up way too late for too many nights writing this. So if you are disappointed that it isn't brilliant, get over yourself and find another blog to read.
I think I should write greeting cards.
Peace.
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