PART II: Moving In
The time between school and me moving home from school and moving out to California was actually non-existent. My schedule was as follows:
Thursday: Last final, choir rehearsal
Friday: Move home
Saturday: Spend every last second with family, pack for CA, cry
Sunday: Perform in Salt Lake Tabernacle with choir
Monday: Leave for California
Tuesday: Move in/report for duty
Gosh. Even just thinking back on it gives me anxiety. Like literally my ear itches and my heart is racing. It was so HARD. I tried to play it cool as a cucumber but guys. I was a HOT MESS.
I don't think I actually really started packing until Monday morning and my dad and I packed up my car and drove to Vegas that night. We stayed overnight there and finished the drive Tuesday morning. I can tell you exactly what I was wearing. Man, the flashbacks are real.
We went straight to my sister's house on Tuesday so that my dad could get to my brother in-law's recording session. My sister ended up driving me to my new place of residence at about 2:30 that afternoon. Though on the verge of tears, I put on my big girl pants and my happy face and walked into my new home. I was welcomed with open arms. A beautiful room was waiting for me, everything was very surreal. I mean...there was an Emmy Award sitting below the flat screen TV in my room. AN EMMY AWARD. I literally stared at it and cried. What was I doing here??? I didn't fit in, I didn't belong, I missed my friends. And then I got SUPER down on myself because I was like "Ugh, I'm supposed to be amazing and perfect and I should love this job because everyone hates me and is jealous that I got this job and this is supposed to be the perfect thing but actually I'm a hot mess and where do I get out." I'm really good at being dramatic.
Later that night, my dad dropped my car and my keys off. I was stuck between this, "Hey stay here forever and meet everyone and we'll have lots of fun," and "Please get out because if you don't, I'm going to start crying hysterically and fall down like a child and cling to your leg." And. That's just a hard place to be in.
I remember unpacking my things that day and thinking, "Oh. So I can't just live out of a suitcase all summer?" And that's when things started to get real. I wasn't just doing this for a week or for a month, this was a whole summer commitment. If you're guessing that anxiety followed this thought, then you are right. But I kept brushing it aside. "It's fine, it's fine. I'm fine. It will all be fine." One hard thing that I learned this summer was that sometimes it isn't just "fine" and that's okay.
Those first few days were hard in and of themselves, but on top of that we were just a few days from taking a 10 trip to Hawaii. And ohhhhh man. Hawaii is a story in and of it self....stay tuned for Part III.
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